Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
