You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
