Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
high people should be assigned attendants
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
