my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
