Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
