My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
