mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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