i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am naked and annoyed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
