In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Green mimosas i think yes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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