I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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