I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
