I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
