Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
