You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
