how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
