I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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