He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
