I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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