did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
