I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
