she was so not down for the gang bang
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
