No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
