Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
