Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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