Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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