I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
