I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
