just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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