Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
