I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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