I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
