we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
