My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
