he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
