I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we're making bets on your personal life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
