I can text with my tongue
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
