there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize