people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
