Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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