Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
