The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
