what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i think i just lost a toe
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
