If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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