my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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