Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
