somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
