Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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