Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
