We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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