I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
