You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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