I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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