God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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