He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
