I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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