I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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