I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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