remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
