Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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