I need to stop coming to work sober
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
