Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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