this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
