The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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